MY BODY HAS STARTED SCREAMING AT ME.
Ok… I’ve never been shy to talk about my relationship with food and my body. It’s been an ongoing ‘battle’… a battle I’m ready to end.
This last few months, I have been in a looping pattern of beating myself up about this, whilst simultaneously ‘working’ to be better about it, STILL. #thejoysofbeinghuman
I have been walking regularly. I have been eating more consciously and focusing on getting fruit and veg in, drinking my green drinks, having my smoothies, etc.
The thing that stopped altogether though was any sort of weight, bodyweight, mobility training and dancing. UGH!
Even the past month, I have done very little quantum flow. A few minutes here and there, but certainly not to the extent that I know is good for me and that I desire to do.
And this past week, my back is not happy with me. It’s not in ‘pain’, but I’m so stiff and ‘achy’.
I can feel the effects on my posture. My hamstrings and calves are tight. I can feel my forward posture and my neck gets so sore and that brings headaches, from too many hours at a computer or sitting on my ass.
I can also feel the effects on my energy, my nervous system, my finances, my everything.
And whilst I love my body for carrying me through life, the more photos and videos I take, the more I dislike seeing it without MUSCLES. Not beating myself up, I just know how I feel and look when I have muscles and right now, I am weaker than I have been in a long time and that annoys me cause it doesn’t have to be that way.
And yesterday when I danced and moved for a bit, my body was so happy with me.
So yesterday, I had a stern talking with myself and said… ENOUGH.
I literally have no excuses.
I have 2 of the most active kids I know that will always encourage me to move and love it when they get to support me in that.
I have a hubby that is OBSESSED with movement, is a personal trainer and has trained me on and off for our entire relationship and LOVES it when I am taking the time to look after myself.
Our ‘unfinished’ basement is a gym with all the equipment I need and more.
I have time to do it, I just don’t take the time.
I have allowed these excuses to keep me on my ass and losing muscle.
It’s the man cave, which is true. It’s Hugh’s space. It’s his gym and office and in 15 years together I have never liked being in his gym without him. And quite literally the kids and Hugh are sleeping in the basement cause it’s so much cooler in the summer and they are all loving camping out down there.
I’m walking. I’m moving. That’s enough.
I don’t have time.
I’ll just Quantum Flow, but you know… I have to finish my certification and get better at it so I can put myself through QF workouts. Yeah… double whammy there.
I don’t know what to do. Ummm… I’ve been getting trained by the best for years. Really? And… I have the best, I couldn’t just ask him to support me?
And… on that… Hugh and I, like many couples out there have been going through our fair share of shit as a couple and family. It’s been rocky around here, so I didn’t want his help. I didn’t want to be even more in his energy.
And more…
But all of that is just excuses. EXCUSES.
And… really over the past few months, as I have been digging deeper and deeper into the places I create my own suffering… I have really just wished some magic wand would look after my body, even though I know it doesn’t work that way.
I have been hoping my walking would be enough.
I have been dedicated to lighting up the world and helping you all shift your consciousness.
I have been in a cocoon, stiff, still, and in resistance to doing what actually just needed to be done.
And today, that ended.
Today, Hugh put me through my paces.
I was triggered AF when we first started and he said, right… we are starting with a 60-second handstand. I wanted to punch him with my energy right there.
‘I haven’t been upside down in who knows how long and you want me to do a 60-second handstand? GET STUFFED.’
So once we got on the same page and I could put my daggers away… I trained.
He supported.
I felt heard.
He loved on me.
And… part of our work as we are moving through our ‘stuff’ together is that I get to receive his love as Acts of Service (which is his love language) and he really does love to love on me this way. When I can allow him to and not feel triggered AF by him, I really love his support in the gym.
My body is sufficiently tired and sweaty and sore.
And tomorrow, I do legs. He has already told me and walked me through what I am doing so I can just get up and do it, no excuses.
There are SO MANY things I don’t like doing, but are what gets to be done to open my body back up again and build the muscles that are weak. And… I will show up, whether I like it or not.
So… here’s to TAKING THE ALIGNED ACTIONS for my body.
Here’s to kicking excuses to the curb and showing the fuck up.
Here’s to my body not aching from now giving it what it needs.
Here’s to allowing my family to love and support me to be the best version of myself.
Here’s to having MUSCLES AGAIN. Ohhh… how I miss my muscles.
Here’s to my posture improving.
Here’s to having any chance to ‘play’ with my kids cause seriously they already put my and Hugh to shame in much of what they can do with their bodies. LOL
Anyone else out there with me on this?
Anyone else know they can be treating their body a bit differently to feel their best right now?
Let me know in the comments… what is your next aligned action to take towards loving on your body?
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If you are DONE with the stupid BS stories you are telling yourself… the time is NOW.
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PPS- This is my first handstand of the workout. Not bad, especially considering my lack of conditioning and it’s my first one in at least 6 months. It’s been a while. I miss them.
