TO ME…FOOD = LOVE.

It’s so easy to fall down the rabbit hole of beating ourselves up for not being ‘enough’.

This morning as I was in the midst of my second liver flush, I had a ton of anger and frustration show up. No surprises. I’m clearing my liver, where we store anger and there were many decent sized gall stones that came out.

It was nauseating and I wanted to revert to my pattern of running from it and not feeling it. Thankfully my dear friend, who was also cleansing with me, Stephanie E Charlotte Koehler reminded me it’s ok to feel it and let the tears fall.

So I dove into what am I so angry about?

And mostly… I was angry with myself for not ‘getting rid of’ my addiction to suffering fast enough.

I was angry with myself for STILL emotionally eating.

I was angry at myself for not moving ‘enough’.

I was angry with myself for letting myself down.

Maybe some of you out there can relate to being angry with yourself for not being ‘enough’, whatever your ‘enough’ is.

And then I messaged Steph and said… the funny thing is… I am SO MUCH BETTER than years ago when I would eat a 250g bar of Cadbury’s chocolate and an entire bag of Doritos and sometimes more in an hour. It makes me sick to think about how SHITTY I felt when I did that, in all ways. I can’t even fathom doing that now.

So yes…I still emotionally eat sometimes and it often looks like… a couple handfuls of blue corn chips or some sweet potato chips or paleo chips or really beautiful high-quality, nutrient-dense chocolate.

I just know that sometimes it’s for enjoyment and cause I can… and sometimes it’s an emotional eating experience. And it’s the part that I turn to food emotionally that still gets me and frustrates the fuck out of me and had me feeling angry with myself.

And it’s not the food that is ‘bad’ for me… it’s the emotions that go with it… it’s the guilt or sneaking it in or the shame or the whatever it is.

I grew up with my mom catering from our house and then eventually opening up a gourmet food store that the whole community loved and was full of DELICIOUS foods and of course… my favourite area to work was the pastry counter or helping make pastries in the kitchen. 😉

My mom STILL loves us with food. We show up at her house and the fridge and pantry are stocked with our favourite foods. She thinks that the greatest bonding and conversations happen in a kitchen whilst cooking, so food has been a big part of my upbringing.

To me… Food = Love.

I have worked with multiple people on this, from every level. I have studied nutrition and live with a fitness/health freak.

I know the patterns. I have cleared the energy around this in so many ways. And the anger is about… I know what I have to do, it’s just a matter of doing it.

I know that I’m safe to feel my emotions instead of eating them.

I know that there is no right or wrong.

I know that no ‘diet’ works for me.

I know how to clear my shit and I have amazing people I work with to support me when I am not able to do it for myself.

I know that there is always enough time in a day to look after my body and my family and work.

I know that and more.

And yet today… I felt so frustrated and angry. Like… WHY? Why am I STILL doing this?

And then I took time to reflect on how far I have come.

In ALL areas of my life over the past few years, even the past 6 months… It’s night and day.

And I know… I AM enough.

I AM making the changes.

I AM doing the work.

Things ARE shifting.

And I sit here writing this grateful for never giving up on myself.

I am grateful for not letting that little voice win that tells me ‘I am not enough’.

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I AM ENOUGH.

We are beings of light doing our best to be human on this planet and live in this human form.

Struggle has defined many of us for much of our lives. And… it doesn’t have to be that way.

We can choose differently.

I AM ENOUGH.

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

We are enough.

This process is an unfolding.

It is the journey of being human.

And if one of the biggest problems I have and why I am angry with myself is eating too many paleo chips and nutrient-dense chocolate… then I am doing something right. 😉

I’m sharing this because… I KNOW I am not alone.

I’m sharing this because… maybe someone out there needs to hear today… You are enough. Maybe you get to do what I did and take a moment and reflect at how far you have come and celebrate that.

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